5 TikTok Tips Your Kids Are Keeping Secret From You
I grew up in a family full of old farts. My mom was an old fart. My uncles were old farts. My dad was the fartiest old fart that ever farted in the history of old fartery.
My mom still has trouble pronouncing Facebook. I mean, ever since this platform showed up, it has given old timers a place to go to share all of their minion memes and embarrassing photos of their kids, and she can’t even get with that. And she’s not alone, either. 70% of the older generation still refuses to adapt to new technology. What are they so afraid of? A change? Or do they not like the idea of not being able to see people person to person?
We will never know. But one thing is clear: social media has paved the way for us to connect with each other (except for my mom, who calls it “the Faces Book thing”).
We get so connected, in fact, that we get sucked into the social media’s spiderweb and get stung by it’s mandibles of online pain. And if you think that was a crazy metaphor, you’ve clearly not seen anything happening on TikTok right now.
My kids love social media so much that every time we take them out to eat, all they do is get on Snapchat and ignore their parents. And, now, the new kid on the block is TikTok. Now, don’t get me wrong, I am an expert when it comes to social media. I work in the industry and try to stay up to date, so I know my way around the Tiks and the Toks, respectively. But these kids are on a whole different planet. They TikTok this and they TokTik that. Just the other day, I swear my seven-year-old TokToked something, which I didn’t even think was possible.
Without a word of a lie, I know my kids, and they would TikTok a funeral without a second thought. Ridiculous.
But it tells you one thing: it shows the power of this platform. And, if we don’t adapt to the change, we are going to get left behind. So far behind, in fact, that our kids won’t even know their mother and father as well as they know Garfield_Butt_69420 or whoever the latest and greatest TikToker is.
I want to help you understand the importance of this platform and why you should adapt to it. If you are worried about the “how” part, then stop. I will be holding your hand all the way ’til the end.
Ready for five top-secret TikTok tips? Good, because so are we. Let’s drop a deuce.
1. Anyone Can Get Famous Using TikTok
This is literally the single weirdest thing I’ve ever done in my life, but I had this idea. I went to visit my mother and father in their city (no, that wasn’t the weirdest idea). They live in one of those gated communities where a lot of those grandmas and grandpas live and, no, not the young kind you’re thinking. These were “the ones about to go” types.
I woke up one peaceful morning and said to myself, “I will knock on every single one of these guy’s doors and ask them a simple question: “What is the one thing you regret not doing?”
They all gave me the same old answer. “That thing I always wanted to do”.
“And what the hell is that, Nancy? Goddamn it. Spit it out!” And they spat.
“Being famous,” Carl said, Actor. Mr. Miller told me, “A singer”. And the rest of them said similar things. These guys never had these opportunities. Back when they were all young, if you wanted to get famous, you had to know someone who knew someone. You had to have the talent of some wizard to impress everyone or put your mouth to good use in a pinch (although, probably don’t pinch).,
But, in a worst-case scenario, you may just have had to sell your soul to the big black dude with red eyes to get the things you wanted. You see, these are the kinds of things you no longer have to do to get ahead. We live in a better time. And who do we have to thank for that?
Not the aliens, you dummy. The great minds who developed the social media platforms we have today. I am so glad, for instance, that Mark Zuckerberg didn’t grow up playing with other winner boys. Instead, he was isolated, reading some nerd crap, all day, every day.
It takes a lot of sacrifice to mastermind a better life. It’s like masturbating without actually getting to touch yourself, you know? Anyway, I won’t keep you, I know you’re busy, so I’ll cut to the chase. TikTok lets you get that fame everyone dreams of. You could be dumb as two rocks tied together and buried in mud, completely untalented, or just a hood-ass weirdo dreaming of fame.
Mostly, though, if you click on this TikToK Spongebob Crabby Patty secret formula on how to get more followers on TikTok, you can rack up followers faster than your local drug dealers rack up profits over Spring Break. As far as TikTok tips go, this is pretty great.
2. Helps You Understand The Mind of Gen Z
Gen Z is like the untapped mind of a retarded Koala. What do I mean? What kind of weird point am I making? I’ll explain.
Gen Z does a lot of weird shit and, I mean, a lot. First of all, these shithead kids have a shorter attention span than a 97-year-old grandma with ADHD. They also tend to think that they can multitask, which is something the American science association proved no human could actually possibly do. But that’s beside the point.
Another thing that really pisses me is the fact that these little pricks are addicted to technology, more than a crackhead is to crack. They just can’t handle the face-to-face interactions like a normal human being. It’s sad, talking to one of these bastards, before the next thing you know when they’re using some app called “What Is This Human Saying In My Own Language?” to translate what you’re telling them in their Gen Z lingo, whatever the hell that means.
Also, they think they are the shit because they’ve got more followers than us, and they expect more from our brands and companies. Lastly, these pieces of shit literally job hop, moving from one local business and to the next a couple of weeks later.
And they capture it! On their phones! And post it on TikTok so that other Gen Zs can get a good laugh out of it. They are, legit, like a bunch of baboons in the zoo, trying to steal our bananas. And did I mention the fact that they don’t do shit to make a difference? Very selfish and they have no talent, skills or respect for those who put them on our planet.
How did I learn all this? Thank goodness, once again, for TikTok. This app allowed me to explore and study these creatures and finally understand them. You can now also do the same and understand your little chimpanzee kids. How they think and what they are all about. This way, you can dumb yourself down to their level and try to beat them with inexperience.
- For More TikTok Tips, Also Read: What is TikTok Good For?
3. It will make you cooler than you are
Do you think you’re cool? Let me stop you right there. Exactly what I thought, too.
Except, I was wrong, and so are you. Let me explain: when we think we are cool, deep down, we know we are not cool. What you think and the actual facts are two different things, fellas. In order for you to literally become cool, you will have to play with yourself a little.
Not like that, you dirty piece of bacon. I am talking about using TikTok filters, of which there are many. If you are boring to the public, it will turn you into an actual cool person, and you will be accepted by the public. Expect to feel validated and loved. This is honest-to-God modern-day true love, but we’re gonna talk about that in a different blog, all you love bugs out there.
Before anything you need to learn how to write the perfect TikTok bio. I wasn’t cool before but since getting started I’ve made over 69 TikTok videos. I have established factual proof of being a pretty cool dude. If the world can do it, I could do it and, If I did it (which I did), you can too, with these great TikTok Tips.
Eat my words, gobble them down and act on them. I don’t want to see you not be cool. That would be lame. Got that?
4. New Way To Get The Voice Across: Influencers
A lot of people on TikTok, Twitter, YouTube and Reddit love Greta Thunberg, and that’s an example of something to follow if you’re looking for professional influencers. Granted, most TikTokers doing any kind of promotion are doing it for free energy drinks and gaming controllers. Gen Z acknowledges these people as their leaders and their content makes waves.
Now you can take advantage of this and use these influencers for your own good. You can do so many things, I mean there was one dude who made $7,000 just from TikTok. This is exactly why you should use TikTok for your business, provided of course, you have one.
If you do have one or are planning to, one day, I’m pretty sure you also would like to know how to generate more sales using TikTok, I mean, who wouldn’t, right? There is plenty of money out there. Get TikToking and your business is going to start talking. And the great thing about TikTok influencers is that they are cheaper than street prostitutes while other platforms want thousands of your hard-earned moneys.
It’s super easy. Pick a niche, find an influencer, let them get creative and get your word across the world. Talk about TikTok tips for getting well and truly ahead.
5. Always Keeps You Up-To-Date With Current Trends
You ever go on Twitter and see a post? Trick question: that’s literally the only thing you do on Twitter You think specific content was trending, but you read the date posted, and it was three days ago.
What about Instagram? You scroll and scroll and boom! You see some type of dance challenge. You scroll down and see it again by a different user. And, the next thing you know, it’s a full-fledged trend. It happens on nearly every social media. They just can’t seem to get this shit right.
When something is trending, now, I wanna be part of it now, not 10 days or a year from now. That defeats the entire idea of a trend.
On TikTok, on the other hand, you will never miss another trend. It’s right there, in your face, and it has its own section dedicated to it. This keeps you relevant in today’s social media trends world, and you can always have a great opening conversation in your local coffeeshop.
One of the best TikTok tips out there is to treat TikTok with respect. Use this app at your own risk. It is highly addictive and dangerous. It is true, people have certainly stopped texting and driving. But now they are TikTokking and driving, which is way worse.